I have been married and divorced three times. As hindsight goes, those failed marriages were as much my fault as theirs. I had one long-term relationship since my last divorce and would still be with him if the geography were different. We had a wonderful relationship but there is too many miles between Michigan and Kentucky; his kids are there and my kids are here and one cannot be in two places at the same time. In the end, my responsibility and heart-strings pulled me back to Kentucky and that was that.
Since that split, three years ago, I have not dated; not even once. I haven't even played with the idea of getting into another relationship. But that does not mean I do not have a significant other. In fact, I have many significant others.
I have my parents, whom I live with and care for in their golden age. I have my three wonderful, beautiful, and sometimes demanding grown children. I have my amazing, loves-of-my-life grand children whom fill my heart with so much love that I sometimes cry because the love is so strong. I have my brothers; one older, one younger; both very close to me. I have many nieces and nephews and great-nieces and great-nephews. I have my friends, co-workers, and many, many acquaintances that make every day memorable. These are my significant others and honestly, my life is amazingly full.
However, some people ask me, "What is it like to be single in your 50's?". It is liberating, freeing, and pretty damn awesome 99.999% of the time. Honestly, the longer I am single, the less I think about being in a relationship. I joke around about wanting to date but when it comes down to it, I can't even imagine starting over again. The investment alone is daunting not to mention all the other responsibilities that come with having a "boyfriend".
These are a few of the questions people ask me about being single.
Don't you miss having somebody to sleep with at night?
No! I rather enjoy having the bed all to myself, hogging the covers, and watching what I want to watch whenever I want to watch it. I do not miss the snoring, farting, and having to be ever-so-quiet because somebody else is trying to sleep next to me. At those times when I am feeling nostalgic about having a bed partner, I have my oldest granddaughter come stay the night. She reminds me of why I like sleeping alone with her grinding her teeth and the need to sleep as close to me as she can possibly get.
Don't you miss getting all dressed up and going out on the town?
What? Really? By 3 pm I am counting the minutes until I can get home and get out of my bra and make up and put on my comfy clothes. Getting all dressed up sort of sounds like one would have to shave her legs which is not something I do routinely and see no real need to do unless I am having a pedicure or going to the gynecologist. At this stage in my life, (post-menopausal) the most prevalent body hair I am concerned with grows on my upper lip.
Don't you want somebody to grow old with?
Yes, my kids and grand children. When I am old, demented, and refuse to shower, I want to live with my children to show them what it was like when they were growing up. I think it is only fair. I want them to change my diapers, feed me, and hold me when I cry. The circle of life and all.
And the inevitable...
Don't you miss the sex?
What part of the whole not shaving thing didn't you understand? I would miss chocolate and Dr Pepper more than I miss sex. I am devoutly abstinent and am perfectly content as such.
What do you miss then?
I miss him and how he was my best friend. I miss how we laughed and how we got each other. He was and still is a good man and a part of me will always love him. What we had was real and perhaps I don't want to tarnish what that was with something that can never measure up to what that was. Perhaps I want to end that part of my life on a high note knowing that I did have true love at least once in my life and that is enough.
But life is strange and one never knows what can happen from minute to minute. I do not plan nor do I seek a relationship but that doesn't me it can't or won't happen. I am fulfilled in my life. No love will ever be stronger than what I feel for my grandchildren. No touch will ever be sweeter than the touch from my grandchildren. I am perfectly content "single" but not really single.
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