To say that I am set in my ways is probably an understatement. At this point in my life, I am more excited about my new car than I am about a new relationship. My new car doesn't require me to shave my legs; especially the upper legs; the area I like to call "the no fly zone". There is just too much work involved in meeting potential romantic counter-parts. I truly don't even know where to start in the search for this fictional "love-of-my-life".
Online dating leaves me frustrated. I've watched too many episodes of Catfish to ever be really comfortable with online romance. Every time I start a conversation with a man on a dating site, I have visions of a confused, low self-esteemed, teenager getting his or her kicks out of baiting the hook and reeling me in. Fish on! Fish on!
Let's be real here. Men and women have polar differences when it comes to hormonal changes in their middle age. Women have vast decreases in estrogen, throwing us into that glorious time in our lives called menopause. I call it my men-on-pause phase of life and thus the reason I am not running around frantic to find a mate. Men, on the other hand, seem to have an increase or, at the very least, are able to maintain a sustainable measure of testosterone as they head through middle age. This is why men buy sports cars and get hair plugs at this time of their lives and women stop shaving their legs or caring if they have a three week old mustache going on under their nose. Men get to have an exciting, fun mid-life crisis while my mid-life crisis, in stark contrast, consisted of the onset of powerful hot flashes and the increase of whisker stubble. Men tend to have a surge or at the very least, a normal sex drive. I, on the other hand, am more excited by an episode of The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones than I am by the prospect of a sexual encounter.
My friends asked me what are my requirements for a potential dating situation. It's funny how these so-called requirements change as we go through the different stages of our lives. When we are young, we seek young, strong, good-looking, rich men. In our 30's we seek stable, responsible, professional men and pay less attention to looks. In my stage of life, the requirements become more complex.
I need romance. I don't mean flowers and candy and gifts. I mean I want love notes, back rubs, foot rubs, and just the simple pleasures in life.
I need my space. I love to snuggle but when I sleep, please don't smoother me. I am not the type to want to spoon throughout the night. When I am ready to sleep, I require having enough space to flip-flop without restrictions.
I require intelligent conversations in which I can state my opinion without having it vetoed by his differing opinion. If he is threatened by an intelligent, strong-willed, independent woman, I am not somebody he wants to date.
He has to understand my priorities from the get-go. My family comes first. I won't sacrifice my time with my kids, grand kids, and immediate family. This requirement alone is likely the deal-breaker for most men I might be interested in dating or whom might be interested in dating me.
I do not drink alcoholic beverages. I don't mind if he does but I will not put up with a slobbering, stumbling, mean, loud, obnoxious, falling-down drunk. I will allow for two, possibly three celebratory benders a year but do not expect me to undress you and put you to bed or take care of you when you have a hang-over the next day. Do not call, text, or email me drunk. I have a very low tolerance for juvenile behavior when the behavior is coming from a grown man.
I don't do jealousy. Period.
I don't do stalking. Period.
I don't do one-night-stands. Period. Usually.
The man I date must be a Walking Dead fan and it would help if he is a Game of Thrones fan as well. I'll give a little wiggle room on this; he doesn't have to watch these shows but he cannot belittle me in any way just because I watch them. Strangely, this is really important to me. The fact is, common interests are one of the stronger aspects of a solid relationship. Sometimes opposites attract, but very seldom to do those relationships stand the test of time. Usually once the initial period of unbridled lust cools off and they have to actually talk about real stuff, they find they don't have enough in common to continue the relationship.
As I read through this daunting list of requirements (all of which have yet to be listed) I realize it is virtually impossible to believe there is somebody who would measure up. Perhaps my requirements are just my safety net that keeps me from stepping out of my comfort zone. Perhaps I have sabotaged my own potential love life by making this perfect mate so elusive I have no hopes of ever finding him. He is, in fact, the unicorn of romantic interests. He only exists in movies, romance novels, and internet dating sites.
I don't have to have a boyfriend; I am completely fulfilled with my life just the way it is. You see, I learned a long time ago that if you are looking for a person to complete you, you will never find that person. No person should ever complete you; you should feel complete and satisfied with life just as you are. A person should add to your life; enhance it and make it better but never expect somebody to complete you if you do not feel complete on your own.
I am complete.
Debbie, Always loved you as a SHC friend. At 57, I get what you say. My marriages (2) were short, ill-conceived and financial suicide. Most of my other relationships through the years have been... strange in some way.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind someone but I'm OK by myself. It's more stable and my life isn't always stable.
Oh, and my opinion, let whatever hair grow you want or shave it or dye it, cut it, dreadlock it, whatever.
Yep! that saying you have to enjoy your own company, an like who you are, before you can truly enjoy a relationship.
ReplyDeleteAs we age, our views change on what a relationship is, Me I enjoy my own company.